thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
