I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
