Nicole vs. Life
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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