At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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