I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
