Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
