yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
