is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
