it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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