my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
