the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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