someone threw a dead crab at me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
