I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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