How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
