# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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