Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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