Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
