If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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