I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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