One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
