Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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