Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
how drunk are you?
Several
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
