I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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