i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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