Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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