dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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