Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
