So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
