found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
