Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
