I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
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Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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