Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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