Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
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They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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