Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
