Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
