I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
