apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
