Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
