Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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