By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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