My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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