Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
