She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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