but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
