Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You pole danced in your parka.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
