the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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