Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
