the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
