Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
