my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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