I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
bring money and cleavage
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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