I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize