My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
