sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
