New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
