I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
