Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
