And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
