Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
