I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Randomize
