I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
