you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
