I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
