she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
