Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
