she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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