dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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