Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
