worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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