I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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