She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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