Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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