Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
