Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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