When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
